Sometimes we need a little discomfort just to clear our muddled mortal minds and remind us that our God is greater than our misfortunes. We need to be jolted out of our complacency; we need to remember that trials are indications of God's care for us. Those he loves he disciplines. (And sometimes the tiniest bit of physical discomfort makes more of an impression than weeks of mental anguish.)
There was a time when I liked the wind and the cold and the rain for a very different reason. I liked it in a desperate, slightly poetic way because it made me feel less torn apart. I liked it the same way sad people like sad songs, and for the same reason cutters cut themselves. After I gained a greater understanding of God and his glory that terrible period of my life ended. Oddly enough, after that I had much less tolerance for cold. And those sad songs—they are hard to listen to. I know how so many people still hear them: trying to fill emptiness with more emptiness, and trying to find comfort in sympathy instead of truth.
But every now and again the cold and rain remind me that I'm not cold and empty inside. Nor am I lonely. I have an awesome God, and the rain can pour down, the wind can blow—I am safe, and there's so much joy I have in Him that I can laugh at my problems and rejoice in His power no matter what I face! "I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me." I am overflowing with so much joy that I can barely contain it. It's not because I love the cold and rain in themselves, but because I see God's glory reflected in them. And they bring me back to His word, because it is only through Scripture that I understand God's sovereignty, love, and mercy, and glory.
I used to write poetry when I was especially sad. When I stopped being sad I stopped writing almost completely. I no longer need to write in order to cope with life. My journal has disappeared somewhere at the bottom of a stack of books. For a long time now I've wished I could begin again and communicate joy instead of sadness, but I have not known the words. Tonight I'm beginning to find them.
The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.
~ Exodus 15:2
